Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Well, it's good to be with y' all this morning.
[00:00:05] I am a Reformed Presbyterian minister, but I do have a weird sense of humor. So I decided it would be funny to wear a pink shirt to come talk with you about masculinity.
[00:00:16] And our God has a sense of humor. And so he thought it would be funny if Dr. Jones and I wore the same suit.
[00:00:25] But talking about masculinity, toxic masculinity, biblical masculinity, young men today seem very interested in recovering masculinity, what it means to be a man, and how men and women are distinct.
[00:00:44] So being a man at bottom means imaging God as distinctly male.
[00:00:53] So what does that mean?
[00:00:55] And where are the problems and what are the solutions that are being offered? What are the solutions being offered by the culture, and what are the solutions being offered by the church, and which ones are biblical, and why do any of them matter? I hope to answer some of those questions for you in the time that I have this morning. And we'll start here, where Dr. Jones already has male and female.
[00:01:18] He created them in his own image.
[00:01:24] And his image is imaged as distinctly male and distinctly female.
[00:01:33] So those things matter.
[00:01:35] Because in order for a male image bearer of God to image God the way that he was made to, and in order for a female image bearer of God to image God the way that God has made. Made her to, we have to embrace words like masculinity and femininity.
[00:01:53] We have to actually understand what those things mean and why.
[00:01:59] Because the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.
[00:02:04] And perhaps the most basic and fundamental way that we can do that is by embracing who he's made us to be and to bear up under the responsibility that he's given us, those distinctive roles.
[00:02:19] And a rotten fruit of feminism is that women have been made to view themselves as deficient men.
[00:02:27] And so the aim for them is to be everything that a man can be and to prove that they can do everything that a man can do.
[00:02:37] And the flip side of that coin, of course, is that men have been made to believe that they are deficient women.
[00:02:43] You know, they're not sensitive enough, too rough, lack empathy.
[00:02:50] And the solution, then, is to lay down what it means to be manly and to lean into or embrace their feminine side, to be more nurturing than they are naturally, to be more emotive and sensitive than they're inclined to be, because that evidently, is a more evolved man, you see. So the idea is that the more masculine a woman is, the more evolved she is, or so the culture says.
[00:03:17] The more feminine a man is, the more evolved he is.
[00:03:22] Or so the culture says.
[00:03:25] I know we're all familiar with the term toxic masculinity.
[00:03:29] And while I do believe that there are forms of what our culture apes as masculinity that are toxic, meaning they are poisonous to society, young men, I think, are rightly fed up with this nonsense, all the baggage that that term carries and gets imported into it.
[00:03:50] They've had it up to here with being told that they're toxic and that they're the problem.
[00:03:58] They're fed up with feminism.
[00:04:01] They're fed up with woke ideology, and rightfully so.
[00:04:07] In short, I perceive we're at a time and a place in society where men sincerely want to know what it means to be a man and how to be one again.
[00:04:17] And to that I say, praise God.
[00:04:20] It's a good problem to have.
[00:04:22] But some of the loudest voices in young men's ears are teaching boys to remain boys with bank accounts, bad manners, and a bankrupt worldview.
[00:04:37] Podcasters, YouTubers, TikTokers and tweeters are selling the message to young men of this generation that they need to learn how to get paid, pardon the expression, but get laid, and to apologize for nothing.
[00:04:57] And if you do that, if you accomplish that, you will have rediscovered what it means to be a man.
[00:05:05] This, of course, is a lie.
[00:05:08] So I want to take the time that I've been given to address the lie and to present a biblical solution. Because if you'll notice, y', all, the harvest is ripe for the picking.
[00:05:20] This is on young men's minds.
[00:05:23] And so, if we, as the church, are positioned to speak into these young men's lives, we could have a generation of giants.
[00:05:35] If we do not, we will have a generation of abbreviated men, dwarfed in their maturity and militant about what they have been told is masculinity.
[00:05:54] And that will be disastrous. You'll have toddlers for tyrants.
[00:06:00] There are three main ingredients or products that are being peddled as the ends boys should pursue if they want to be mainly men.
[00:06:09] And they are as money muscles and moxie.
[00:06:19] These things are not all bad in and of themselves, of course. After all, a man should endeavor to be knowledgeable and skilled enough to be gainfully employed so that he can be a provider. Nothing wrong with that, you know, get good at making money.
[00:06:38] Make lots of it.
[00:06:41] Do you see a man skilled in his work?
[00:06:44] He will stand before kings. He will not stand before obscure men.
[00:06:49] A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. This is proverb stuff. We're taught this from scripture.
[00:06:56] So money is not all bad, but it is when it's what's worshiped. We'll continue to talk about that. Muscles aren't a bad thing either, are they?
[00:07:06] You know, because normatively men are providers and normative interest of a man and those under his care, that he doesn't let his strength or his health diminish.
[00:07:16] And I can tell you personally, as someone who was over £300 two years ago, it's easy to let slip the older we get, guys, it's not like it's not like we have more time on our hands.
[00:07:31] Seems like we end up with a whole lot less.
[00:07:34] And I can confess to you, for about a decade there I was not a good steward of my body. And it showed big time.
[00:07:40] You know, I knew I was like covering the bases, I was meeting my obligations out there, but I was slow and I was fat and I was tired and that's no way for me to be a father. I'm not setting a good example for my six sons or my now just over 18 month old daughter.
[00:08:00] And it certainly wasn't serving me well in being a minister and doing what God has called me to do. And I tell you guys, another thing, my wife's joined us, she's sitting right here with me. It does not honor your wife, gentlemen, to let her age like a fine wine and for you to age like milk.
[00:08:23] So muscles are not unimportant, right? A man should take care of himself.
[00:08:27] And by challenging ourselves physically and consistently, we're going to last a lot longer. We're going to be of good use for the kingdom in the meantime. First Timothy 4, 8 it says for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding the promise for both the present life and the life to come. So see there, Paul isn't saying that physical training is of no value and the body doesn't matter, right? He's not saying the physical is bad and spiritual is the only good. Paul's not a gnostic.
[00:08:59] It is of some value.
[00:09:01] And while it's not of eternal value, this life and what you do in it matters. And what you do with your body matters.
[00:09:10] And those who are counting on you need you to stay strong and healthy.
[00:09:15] So muscles, that idea of strength, physical strength, it's not in and of itself a bad idea. But again, when that's what's worshipped, right, we're, we're worshiping the creature rather than the Creator. The third ingredient to masculinity, according to the podcast culture, is moxie.
[00:09:33] That's not so bad either.
[00:09:36] A man should be assertive, and many young men today aren't.
[00:09:46] They lack grit, have you noticed?
[00:09:52] They're too soft and often aimless.
[00:09:57] It seems that they're waiting around for someone's permission to succeed, and so they're hoping someone will give them a job instead of going and getting a job.
[00:10:08] They're hoping that a wife will just land in their lap one day, and they hope that they'll find the one rather than pursuing marriage and settling down and getting married.
[00:10:18] Moxie matters for men because there's nothing masculine about asking the world for permission and expecting participation, trophies.
[00:10:28] We need confident, competent, courageous men with backbone and gumption, but a clean heart before the Lord comes before genuine courage.
[00:10:44] And so you see, masculinity is really more moral than it is muscular.
[00:10:53] So what's the answer?
[00:10:56] If those three things, money, muscles, and moxie, are at best insufficient and at worst truly toxic when they're worshiped and misused and pursued as ends instead of means to holy ends, then what do young men need instead? That's the question, the gospel.
[00:11:20] Yeah, that's always the right answer, isn't it?
[00:11:26] But I wasn't asked to speak at a TGC conference, so I'm not going to just throw that out there like a blanket that we're all going to cuddle up under without any sort of application.
[00:11:36] So what our young men need today more than money, muscles, and moxie is manners, a mandate.
[00:11:49] And mentors.
[00:11:53] What do I mean by manners?
[00:11:55] Well, we've got young bucks today who are being sold a lie. That pride and arrogance and selfishness are good. Those are virtuous. It's part of being a man.
[00:12:14] Part of being masculine is never saying you're sorry, taking what you want, being rough and callous and stoic and even rude, and only associating yourselves with people that you can gain something from, that you can get something out of.
[00:12:36] And at bottom, y', all, this is a call to remember and obey. The fifth commandment.
[00:12:42] Honor your father and mother, and this is the first commandment, with a promise that your days will be long and it will go well with you in the land.
[00:12:53] And I fear it is not going well with so many men today because they have neglected this commandment.
[00:13:01] They have no regard for authority.
[00:13:06] They despise correction from their elders.
[00:13:11] They scoff at wisdom.
[00:13:14] Proverbs 12:1 says, Whoever hates reproof is a fool.
[00:13:20] So rather than expecting to Be rewarded by aiming to become the Ubermensch or the Overman, as Nietzsche suggested.
[00:13:31] We want our young men to be courteous, don't we?
[00:13:36] Respectful, to control their tongue, to not give vent to their anger, to put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness and long suffering. To be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.
[00:14:00] Not going to cite all those passages for you that sounds familiar to you. It's all from the Bible.
[00:14:05] And I'll give you one passage that I think is central in this conversation, though, and that's 2nd Timothy 2, 22, 26.
[00:14:15] It reads this way in the ESV.
[00:14:17] So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart, have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies. You know that they breed quarrels.
[00:14:34] And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.
[00:14:47] God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, and after being captured by him, to do his will.
[00:15:00] And you see, this is the exact opposite of what young men are being told today.
[00:15:07] Flee youthful passions, don't pursue them, pursue righteousness, don't avoid it and put it off.
[00:15:20] And do this along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. So don't isolate.
[00:15:28] It's not good for man to be alone.
[00:15:30] Don't be a maverick, a lone wolf, a renegade, a cowboy. No, be a faithful churchman, living in community and cooperating with that community of other believers.
[00:15:47] If you're going to do that, though, that will mean having manners, won't it?
[00:15:51] Having nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies, knowing they breed quarrels.
[00:15:56] And the Lord's bondservant must not be quarrelsome. But what kind to everyone able to teach, even patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.
[00:16:16] The next thing young men need in order to truly recover what it means to be masculine and to be a biblically manly man is a mandate.
[00:16:27] When God made Adam, he gave him a will to obey.
[00:16:33] He gave him a work to do, and he gave him a woman to love.
[00:16:40] And Adam was to obey God perfectly.
[00:16:44] He was given the work of filling what was empty and taming what was wild in the earth.
[00:16:54] To have dominion in the earth as God's vice regent, be fruitful and multiply, God said.
[00:17:00] And he was given a woman to love that he would need to rely on as his help meet in order to be successful in carrying out the task that God had given him to do.
[00:17:10] Now this picture is a tall order.
[00:17:18] And any ambitious boy should be able to get excited about that, to have a taste for that.
[00:17:28] And when this is his aim and he disciplines himself to stay in his lane and work hard here, it keeps him so busy it's hard to become distracted by anything else.
[00:17:41] And he can know how well he's doing because he has revelation from God on what those things look like.
[00:17:48] Obeying God's will looks like the moral law.
[00:17:52] And God has been gracious enough to narrow it down to 10 all encompassing categories.
[00:17:58] And history has been kind enough to us to summarize the outworkings of these things and, and our confessions and catechisms.
[00:18:09] A man can know if he's doing the work God has given him, if he's striving for the right things. And this is where I'm not going to make the exception the rule and start talking about the gift of singleness and the tragedy of barrenness.
[00:18:24] Those things are real, but those are outliers. Those are consequences of the fall. Normatively, a man takes a wife and has more than a couple children.
[00:18:36] So a man who sets his sight on what God intends for him, the tall order that he's given him, and he wholeheartedly embraces this mandate, he will find his hands busy and his quiver full, and he will be satisfied with the woman God has given him to love.
[00:18:57] And on that note, desire and satisfaction matter.
[00:19:03] I'm afraid we downplay that too much.
[00:19:08] We are designed for desire.
[00:19:11] We're made for satisfaction.
[00:19:16] Again, the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.
[00:19:21] So, desiring the right things, desiring the right will, desiring the right work and the right woman, what can a man possibly be besides intensely satisfied?
[00:19:44] God's just rigged the system that way. That's what men need to discover.
[00:19:50] But he will become frustrated because as a result of the fall, this becomes more than hard.
[00:19:58] It's impossible.
[00:20:02] But rather than hang his head in shame for his failure, he can lift his gaze upon the cross where Christ is the better. Adam didn't only come in die to atone for the sins of the first Adam and his race breaking his commandments. But he kept it perfectly, fulfills all that the first Adam failed to do.
[00:20:31] He obeyed God perfectly. He is taking dominion in the earth and he is filling it with spirit filled children of God through the proclamation of the Gospel. And he loves his bride, that woman that he was given to love, loves her faithfully, tenderly, and fiercely.
[00:20:55] And he never fails at any of that. And he forgives you when you do.
[00:21:01] Young men need to hear that mess.
[00:21:07] So more than money, muscles and moxie, men need manners and a mandate.
[00:21:15] And the third thing he needs are mentors.
[00:21:19] So this is where the preacher gets to meddling, you know, because all that other stuff we've talked about is easy to agree with and nod along with. We can all agree on those things and we all say amen. But this is where it requires something more from you than your agreement.
[00:21:36] You older men need to see the problem.
[00:21:41] You need to see it for what it is, be able to define it.
[00:21:44] And you need to call our young men to better.
[00:21:51] Do you expect them to be able to see it themselves?
[00:21:58] I have seven children. As I've earlier, six of them are boys.
[00:22:03] I shared this on the podcast for those of you that heard that already. But earlier this year, I knew they were wearing my wife out.
[00:22:10] She home schools them, and they were having trouble following instructions, having difficulty focusing. They were goofing off too much and agitating each other and picking on each other, and there were little spats going on. So one morning after family worship, I called a little family meeting. And it was brief so as not to challenge their.
[00:22:30] Their miniature little attention spans. But I said, you know, look, guys, I was a boy too once, and I'm your daddy, so I can see what the problem is.
[00:22:42] Can you?
[00:22:45] And I got some no sirs, and I got some interesting theories that were mostly just blame shifting or too focused on symptoms. So I said, the reason we're having this trouble is because you have two things.
[00:23:03] Too much energy and too much free time.
[00:23:09] And because I'm your father and I love you, I'm going to take both of them from you so that you can focus, so that you can do what you're supposed to be doing and so that your mother doesn't run off.
[00:23:24] And I didn't say that, of course. Right. And she would never run off.
[00:23:29] But you moms know what it's like to have too much day at the end of your patients.
[00:23:36] So I gave them more work to do.
[00:23:39] They needed to be busier.
[00:23:42] And I started having them do a bunch of calisthenics after family worship to drain out some of that energy so that they could focus.
[00:23:49] So they're happier now. And my wife thinks I'm Superman.
[00:23:55] And I only tell you that story to illustrate the point, that part of being the kind of man we're asking young men to be Means you being one yourselves and being able to see what they can't see, having the love and courage to tell them you need to see what they need and love them enough to tell them.
[00:24:21] Don't make them ask for it.
[00:24:24] They don't know what they need. They wouldn't know how to ask. And if they did, they'd be too prideful to ask for it.
[00:24:32] So find a knucklehead in your congregation or in your neighborhood or in your community and polish them up. And you see if the Lord doesn't bless, that he will.
[00:24:45] And question his assumptions about masculinity.
[00:24:50] Do not be afraid to undermine his influences.
[00:24:57] His influences already undermine you and your God.
[00:25:07] He's walking in the counsel of the wicked and he can't see it, but you do.
[00:25:14] So show him, ask questions, you know, challenge some of his ideas. You know, when he talks about these kinds of things that you can tell are out in left field and not healthy, toxic, genuinely toxic. You can say, where did you hear that?
[00:25:33] Where did you get that idea?
[00:25:37] You don't actually believe that, do you?
[00:25:40] And then you take them to scripture, you show them the beauty of God's word.
[00:25:47] You show him the beauty and the way that God has made him.
[00:25:53] You show him the beauty of the mission that he's supposed to be on.
[00:25:58] You encourage his good qualities and you don't let him get comfortable and content in his bad ones.
[00:26:05] Call him to something higher and holier than the rot his favorite influences are feeding him.
[00:26:15] Or stay silent and let them ruin themselves.
[00:26:26] That will only be more comfortable for you in the short term.
[00:26:32] The long term consequences of your passivity in this area, men will be detrimental.
[00:26:44] Mark my words.
[00:26:47] Men need mentors.
[00:26:52] They need mentors like you, godly men, men who understand the mission they're on.
[00:27:03] So if we want our young men to man up, we need to man up first.
[00:27:10] And we need to be willing to stand in their way to let them push up against us and run into us. And we have to be man enough to take it, to not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone, able to teach patiently enduring evil, correcting our opponents with gentleness.
[00:27:45] Why?
[00:27:48] So that God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.
